With the week finally coming to a close and the thought of a few days of rest on the horizon, we set out for dinner and to head to JC Penney to look for some maternity clothes. I had already found a pair of mid belly kakhi pants at Motherhood earlier this afternoon so I had hopes of finding a few things at JC Penney. After all I saw an ad in the sales flyer, so off we went.
We walked all over the store only to be told by a sales associate that they do not have a maternity department. Nor does Parisians or Dillards. We headed to Kohls. I had been told by several people that they had a maternity department and carried a large bra selection. I was sure to find something there. I tried on a top, a bra, and a pair of pants. The bra fit but was way too thin and didn’t offer nearly enough support. The shirt was like glue and showed every bump known to man. The pants, well I won’t even go there. It was just disgusting. We headed over to the plus size dept in hopes of finding something that might get me a little farther along. Gauchos I now know look atrocious on me. I did end up buying a shirt that will take me a little bit further and will look nice after the baby as well. It was on sale so I took the chance. As we left I figured that I had $25 left of the $75 gift certificate that I had received at East Chase for Christmas from my bosses. Not much but it could go towards another good pair of pants or a bra.
I have decided that this experience has got to be one of my life defining moments. The first being when I first had to start shopping at a Plus Size store. The second being in my wheelchair and not having access to things and getting looks. The third is this. I have found very few places that carry maternity and much less that carry maternity plus. Furthermore, 1X is no longer sufficient in pants. I’m now into 2X to make sure that I have some comfortability in the legs and panty lines don’t appear. Dealing with emotions has been so difficult regarding this area. I don’t fear labor, I fear the weight gain. It’s hard enough having to admit that you have to gain something and to allow yourself to go through it but then to have to go through the agony of trying to find something among a sea of “small people” clothes (like searching for a needle in a haystack.)  I know that I’m not as big as some women and yet if I am having such a hard time, then I know that they must have an even harder time. Maybe they don’t care as much seeing that the heavier one is, the less they appear to be pregnant. I don’t think I’ll have that problem especially after wearing the belling pouch at Motherhood today to get a general idea. I can’t help but try to plan for after the baby is born and how I am going to lose the weight. That in and of itself will be difficult seeing that I plan to breastfeed. You have to keep your caloric intact high enough so you can produce milk and yet that is the time that I will want to eat less. I don’t want to go through this again and I am so fearful that I’ll end up being heavier than ever afterwards and unable to get it off.
So at this point, I think what I’m going to do is go through the linen draw string pants that I currently have and make sure they are completely let out from the alterations that were done to them a few years back. They should carry me a little further and will be beneficial afterwards as well. Hopefully they will be sufficient until Mom can get some things made and I get a little bigger where things fit a little more true to form.  I continue to drink at least 68 oz of water each day and eat healthy as I can right now. I’m dreading seeing the scale in 2 weeks knowing it is going to increase.
I’ll gather myself tonight and pack my emotions up as best as I can as we have my mother and sister in law in town tomorrow for their birthdays. I sure don’t want to spoil their day with my frustrations. My husband has been so supportive. Tonight for the first time went back and found several shirts for me to try on in hopes of finding something. I don’t remember when he was actively engaged in a shopping trip. Most of the time he goes along for the ride and will just stand and wait letting his mind wander. Tonight he knew I needed his support and help.
So Life Defining Moment #3, I’m sure is here to stay for a while. Maybe this is the moment that will be so clear and so disgustingly hard that discipline will kick in where it needs to and “will” will be there as needed to make sure I’m not here again. It’s not been a fun place to visit. I know that much is truth and not just hormonal emotion.
Okay….1st: stop obsessing about maternity already! True, it took me 3 pregnancies before I figured this one out! It’s too early! The way things fit your body is going to change soooo much once that belly really starts pooching out there. The days of crying over clothing selection gets worse, not better
, so save it. Wear your linen pants, find some cute drawstring summer skirts, wear your shirts long (but not loose and baggy, especially up top). Once your belly starts to get big, go to the big-banded pants and wear it under the belly with a shirt that hugs all the way down.
2nd: no matter what size you are, I’m convinced retail stores have the *worst* maternity selection. It’s online all the way. Even if you have to order stuff and have it sent to try on and then send it back, you’ll have a greater liklihood of sucess.
3rd: you will find a few things that fit well and that you love and then you will wear them out. This is not a time where you’ll have a great amount of selection. Stay comfy this summer because the real challenge is going to be fall/winter clothes.
4th: that breastfeeding diet will actually help you lose weight! So much of what you eat goes into milk and you will lose weight much faster nursing than you will if you bottle feed. If you find a way to stay home with this baby (keep working on that btw!) you can take baby for walks, swimming, hiking…plus, it will take you 9 months to gain the weight and at *least* that long to lose it. Keep the health of your baby at the front of your mind, keep your protein up and complex carbs, and sugar low and you’ll do fine.
5th: can you find a yahoogroup that might help? Ya, I know, my answer to everything. But I know the gals on my old diaper loop would have had an answer for this. Maybe your birth loop? Or another one? You aren’t the first plus-sized woman to have to hunt maternity fashions. I’ll do some hunting around for you.
Put some headphones on your belly and play baby some lullabies. Get Michael Card’s lullaby CD Sleep Sound in Jesus and it will make you cry for better reasons
Oh Erin- I’m so sorry you are feeling down. I don’t know if it helps, but get this- we don’t even have a maternity store here! See it could be worse!:-) We had to go to Green Bay- our Shopko has some, but all their pants were totally awful- I found some great things at Motherhood that held up the best of all the clothes I bought. Target also has some very nice maternity and plus size stuff even for work/church. I bought most of my wardrobe there, but again our nearest Target was an 1 1/2 hours away:-) Joel rocks in the husband department is sounds- that’s how Paul was too- so patient when normally he could care less about shopping- those guys just seem to know when to be supportive. The bras at Motherhood I found to be the best supportive nursing ones. I also thought Kohl’s and JcPenney’s stunk for maternity clothes so you’re not alone there girl. You know what else I wore alot of in the summer- those drawstring nike shorts with maternity tops- even the mens’ ones- they were cooler and very comfy. I’ll be praying for you- wish I could help some other way. Take care!
OH and you can get some motherhood coupons in baby magazines and they also have a website- I ordered things off of it as well after I knew what size I needed.